I went for a long walk on the beach at my place today. The timing was good; low tide coincided with the nicest part of the day. My brain always works hard when looking for sea glass and shells along the coastline. It’s my peaceful, happy place. Breathing in the PEI salt air and holding it in your lungs as you feel it working its magic all the way to your heart. You know the feeling.
I worked my body hard today. I played 3 hours of pickleball, then came home and did a short run on the treadmill. I walked on the beach for over an hour. I also sat on the couch this afternoon and ate chips and cake. I have started a new practice over the last few weeks (it doesn’t involve cake…), and I wanted to share how it’s been helping me.
Now, I didn’t invent this, and normal people probably already do this…but I digress. I have appreciated my body a little bit more. Instead of comparing myself to others and feeling bad about my body’s size and abilities, I have spent more time thanking my body for what it allows me to do. It’s still a battle. I still do some of the former but I am trying to focus on the latter. It feels good to be practising this. I often forget to be grateful for my body since I spend so much time wishing I was thinner, in better shape, etc. It seems a little easier to be thankful for the change in seasons, the grass growing, the bird sounds, and things like that.
I have resisted the #grateful trend because it frustrates me when used as a counter to difficult times. “Look at all you have to be grateful for; why are you focusing on the negative” And other comments like that. I think often; we miss the point. Practicing gratitude only feels real when I am living in the moment, fully present in my life. Sure, I can list ten good things in my life and remind myself that I should be grateful for those things. That feels fake to me. If that works for you, no judgment here. I’m figuring my shit out one day at a time, and I know what works for me might not work for you.
This, of course, is not the post to say I’ve figured it all out. I spent most of one day last week in bed because it was a hard day. Sometimes, there is nothing to do but give in to the hard day. Sleep, cry, yell, journal, whack pickleballs… whatever works. I find the anti-queer movement of late challenging to digest. It hurts my heart to see so much hate towards Queer and Trans people. Some of it overt, some of it subtle. I am incredibly thankful for the allies that don’t stand passively by. Not saying something is saying something.
Lately, there have been more good days than bad, and it’s encouraging. There has been good music and good friends. I have been in spaces that feel good. I hope you have too.